SONSHIP STORIES:

TODD FILBRUN

MODESTO, CALIFORNIA

“I was introduced to The Heart of Man film in a very difficult season in my life. I was, because of my decisions, separated from my wife and I wasn't saying things to myself about myself that were kind, and other people weren’t either. Almost daily, certainly weekly, I would get to this place where I needed to be reminded of who I really was, who my true self was, who I was created to be. And that was probably the reason I watched that film so many times. 20 is a drop in the bucket, I promise you.”

“A line in the film says ‘secrets had been killing me my whole life’. It’s a backpack that grows and grows to the point where it's exhausting and unbearable. We become chained to our secrets, and so for me, I’d sworn that I’m taking mine to the grave—they were never going to see the light of day. Internally, it feels as though ‘if you really knew me, you wouldn't love me’. So you straight arm people, so they’re kept over there and don't actually see you.”

“Crazy story how I came to Canyon Pathways. Justin Torrence, lead actor in The Heart of Man, had become a friend. He called me up and invited me to a gathering…didn’t give a lot of details. I declined. A few days later my phone rings. I answer it and it’s Noel—Justin had told him he’d invited me. He says, ‘Nice to meet you, would love for you to join us at this retreat’. I replied, ‘I don’t think I belong in this group’. He said, ‘It seems the Holy Spirit brought us together—are you going to be the one to tell Him no?’ And I said, ‘Well, when you put it like that I guess I’ll see you in Spearfish Canyon, South Dakota.”

“I live a pretty fast-paced life—work, business, kids, a lot of other roles and responsibilities. When I arrived at that first retreat, not knowing anyone, I was still amped up from the pace of the daily grind. It took about 24 hours to wind down and be present. And what struck me as I listened to the men in that room tell their stories was, ‘that’s my story’. It’s not exact, but it’s the same kind of different. We’re often deceived into believing we’re the only ones, we’re by ourselves. Nobody can relate, nobody would understand. And it’s not true.”

“There is a version of you that you haven’t even met yet. It starts with finding safe people to get real with. You’ll be amazed at what you discover. Not only about yourself, but other people, and God. We’re sons among other sons of the same Father. When we have growing love and admiration and trust that God is a good Father, then we can have true faith. You’re not going to have faith in something or someone that you don’t trust, that you don’t love, that you don’t believe is for you. I’m growing in my joy and rest in Him because I have a new, experiential knowledge that He’s safe, that He’s good, that He’s interested in me and my heart.”